My Blog Has Officially Moved!!

Finally, after a long wait, my blog has a new look and a new URL. Come check it out at www.discoveringjubilee.com

Discovering Jubilee is Moving! (and hopefully improving)

So, next month, my blog will be moving to a new, improved site. In the meantime, I'm focusing on surviving the last month of pregnancy and will be taking a short blogging hiatus.
Stay tuned for the new site address in a few weeks!

The Last to Go.

My last grandparent has died.  My grandmother, my father's mother, passed away a little over a week ago, and the funeral and quick trip  to Texas are over and done with.  I have to admit, it feels really strange to realize that I am now grandparent-less.  The two people that I thought would never get old, my dad's parents, have both succumbed to disease and the aging process.

I drove by my grandparents old house on their ranch the other night as I was leaving my aunt's house.  It was cold and clear outside, with all the stars brightly shining in the open hill country sky.  As I got out to open up the gate, I looked off to the house as I've done so many times in the past, half expecting to see a whisper of smoke rising from the chimney, the kitchen light on, and the very faint sound of a television, where my grandfather would most likely be dozing off to WWF and my grandmother would sit reading one of her beloved books before bedtime.

But this night only the porch light shone in the dark, and I was alone with my memories of watching my grandfather build on this house, my grandmother hanging clothes on the line, and a border collie named Tip lounging in the sunshine, waiting for goat herding time.

I left both of my grandparents' funerals crushed , having discovered that I didn't know them nearly as well as I had wished.  My grandfather was a story teller and would often relate hilarious anecdotes  and would offer glimpses into the good  parts of his life, but he never let me see the hard times; he very seldom revealed his  disappointments or any of the family secrets that have shaped others' lives.  I learned many of these things later, and was hurt that I didn't hear them from the one who had experienced so much of them.

My grandmother was very reserved, carefully offering bits and pieces of herself when she felt safe to do so.  I so wanted to know more, and I wish that in the ignorance and perhaps selfishness of my youth that I had had the insight to ask more of the right questions to be able see deeper into her soul and who she truly was as a person.

My Oma loved hummingbirds and cardinals...my cousin, one of my best friends, knew this, but I had been clueless about it.  She had taught her future sister-in-law and a younger sister when a schoolteacher in a country school years ago before she was married.  I had no idea.  She exposed my aunts and uncle and father to great classical music such as Brahms, in their childhood....really?....Brahms was played in the 1950s and 60s in the the backwoods of the Dry Frio Canyon?  And she loved Claire de lune by Debussy?  And why hadn't I been more patient when she tried to teach me needlepoint when I was little?

I guess in the end I know a few true things about my grandparents.  They were hard people, but in their hardness they still loved their children and grandchildren.  My grandmother was tough and could beat anyone at arm wrestling, but she always made time to make "Julie's rice" when she knew I was coming to visit.  My grandfather knew about working hard, but he also knew about sitting down to visit with friends over a glass of sweet tea and a piece of cake.

At the funeral of my grandmother, my father encouraged parents in his devotional to love the Lord and make sure they pass that love on to their children.  I second that, but take the idea further.  I say 'parents and grandparents, let your children and grandchildren know you.  Not just the basics, but who you really are and what you are passionate about, because when they are young they won't know to ask the right questions, and when they are older, they will regret the time that they have lost and will never have again.'

Is Jesus Sitting on the Table?

I am thoroughly enjoying the interactions I have with Xander as he is moving from concrete thinking to abstract.  Well, mostly....when all the "whys" start that can be a little trying.

One thing he is really trying to grasp right now is understanding that Jesus is present even if he can't be seen.  We'll be talking about Jesus and Xander will almost always ask where Jesus is.  I tell him that he's in the room with us, he just can't be seen with our eyes.

Tonight Xander gave me a huge laugh.  Xander was expressing his great desire for snow and kept asking me to make it snow.  I tried to explain that Mommy is not in control of the weather, and it's Jesus' decision about when to make it snow.

Xander asked "Is Jesus sitting on the table?"  I laughed and said, "Maybe!", all the while picturing a little Jesus Buddha perched in front of our dinner plates.  Then Xander said, "No Mommy, I think Jesus is going potty."  Which made me laugh all the harder.

Xander's questions just create more questions, and his potty question caused him to begin wondering if Jesus possessed certain anatomical parts that little boys have.    These kinds of questions become really difficult to answer to a three year old's satisfaction...they just rabbit trail everywhere.  However, I can just see Jesus chuckling over the funny thing that kids say and imagine when they begin trying to understand the concept of deity.

I love the childish questions and faith that comes with it all....instead of wondering about often pointless and dividing topics, like whether or not Jesus' atonement for us was substitutionary or imputed, all little ones are worried about is whether or not God might let it snow sometime soon.  They trust that Jesus is in charge and leave it at that.

My little boys pondering things way bigger than them.

Our Little UPS Man

 Xan the UPS Man

So, Xander has been wanting a mailman outfit for
a some time, and while we couldn't find one locally,
we found this UPS outfit which made him very happy.

Yes, Xander really likes pink. Fortuantely, since Daddy won't buy him pink scooters and bikes, his girl friends come to the rescue and let him ride their stuff.  :)

All ready to go to Savanna's birthday party!



Our Thankful Tree

Thanks to a cute inspiring post on The Homeschool Village, Xander and I decided to make our own Thankful Tree. 

The goal is for Mom, Dad, and Xander to come up with at least four things we are thankful for everyday until Thanksgiving and post them as leaves on the tree.  Xander had fun working on his cutting and pasting skills while helping make the tree, and it stimulated a really good conversation about all the good things Jesus gives us and how we should remember to thank him for them.  I especially loved it when Xander reminded me that Jesus made him just for me.  (heart melting)

While we were putting our first thankful leaves on the tree, I couldn't help but think of a corny analogy. This time of year, as winter is coming and brings a sense of death with it, our Thankful Tree is growing leaves, and when all the trees outside are leafless in December, ours will be full of leaves.  It made me think of how just learning to be thankful and maintaining a grateful attitdue is a discipline that brings life, even when other hard circumstances are present in life.

Pics of our finished tree to come at Thanksgiving!  

Halloween Schmalloween

Halloween has quickly become the most stressful holiday in my life.  It used to be Christmas, trying to figure out what the heck to buy for everyone, or Thanksgiving, deciding which part of the country we were going to travel to that year.  Halloween was a period that I could just ignore and pass by without much thought, except for the "I really hope nothing terrible happens on Halloween around the world this year!"

But no, not anymore....once the kids started coming so did all the questions about what I"m going to dress them up as, where we are going to go trick-or-treating, will we be giving out candy, etc.  I'm forced to come up with intelligent answers now that don't come across judgemental by accident.  Don't get me wrong, I love seeing little kids dress up in cute, harmless outfits....if that was all Halloween was I'd say let's have it every day of the year.

What I can't get away from is the dark side of Halloween.  I think we could all agree that Christmas around the world is a peaceful, rather benign, holiday.  People do good things for each other on that day.  Not so with Halloween.  I struggle with the notion that it's OK for people to try to scare the living crap out of each other, dress up as zombies, devils, witches, etc.  I guess if one didn't believe in those kinds of things it wouldn't make much of a difference, but I think there's enough evil already in the world that even if those things didn't exist, we don't need to invent them just for entertainment sake.

This year I was prepared to completely ignore Halloween again and just explain to people when asked that I'm not comfortable with the premise of the holiday...that my kids are allowed to dress up any other time for fun.  But this year, Xander's new preschool best friend is having a Halloween birthday party.  Which put me into a quandary.....what to do?  Should I let my Halloween rules slide or stick to my convictions?

In the end, I decided to let this one go.  Xander is really too young to understand much of it anyway, and he just sees it as a fun time to hang out with his friends.  And the costume he wanted to dress up in?  A mailman's outfit!  That's about as innocent as they come, so I gave in. We couldn't find a mailman outfit, but we did find a UPS costume that is super cute.  (Pics to come later)

So, in the end, he's going to the birthday party, but I'm still going to abstain from the trick or treating part....I have a feeling this will be a topic that we will have to revisit every year as our boys grow up.